Saturday, February 7, 2009
Praise You in This Storm- Casting Crowns 2005
How can something so small cause so much trouble?
My blog is most personal today. It's a praise blog. A shout of appreciate to our loving God above. I have so much to be thankful for overall, and my daily prayers most always start with that acknowledgment. I'm blessed with a wonderful family, loving friends, an awesome church, a great job and most importantly the peace that only a life in Christ can bring. A close personal relationship that gives me the opportunity to talk to the God above all. But today...well this date is very special to me, and today I'm especially thankful to my Lord.
It was 5 years ago today I heard the words that I wish no one ever had to hear, despite the awesome feeling of joy and relief they bring when you do hear them. Words that bring feelings so turbulent, it often takes days, even weeks, to sink into your consciousness. It was February 7, 2004 when I heard the words coming from my doctor...you're cancer free.
My battle with hairy-cell leukemia was intense and short lived. I was lucky, and I'm grateful to God that my family didn't have to endure a long, drawn out battle watching me slowly go to my Creator. I was prepared if it did happen and knew spiritually and emotionally I could weather well, but how would everyone around me do? I had made my peace with all the thinks going on in my life at that time. I didn't know what the future held for me here in this life, but I had the security of knowing no matter what, even in the worst case scenario, God would be with me every step of the way.
People treat you different when they know you are sick. That's why I chose not to tell anyone about my cancer until I knew what I was up against, and by that time, the battle was (for the most part) over. I had other lingering problems, but none that were fatal in consequence like my battle against cancer. There's a psychological struggle that goes on well after the cancer is gone, but nothing like the isolation and helplessness that happens while you wage the fight to get better. No, I didn't suddenly feel like running a marathon on that February day five years ago, but the relief of knowing that I didn't have to tell my future wife, my daughter and the rest of my family that I might be dying soon...all I can say is praise God. Thank you Lord.
I went through some pretty tough times of a different nature in the following two years, but I know in my heart that God let me live for a reason. His reason. My prayer is that He will someday show me know why. I also know that He was with me through it all. He loves me, He cares for me, He watches over me...just like you.
I will never truly be cancer free, but that's okay. I hope God let's me grow old with my beautiful, loving wife. I hope He let's me watch my girls graduate college and someday marry (in that order). I hope God let's me hold my grandchildren. But today, I just praise God and thank Him for the past five years.
May He bless you as He has me...in only ways that He can.