Monday, August 31, 2009

It's not like we're engaged or anything...

I know my dad loves me...beyond a shadow of a doubt. Validation comes from his actions and not necessarily his words. He has always been there for me, and I know he will be there until his last breath. That's why when I end a phone call or a great visit and say Love ya dad, my feelings aren't at all hurt by the responding Okay. Saying I love you just isn't his style...and that's okay with me.

However, we don't share this trait. I tell my wife I love her daily. I tell me daughters daily also. Sometimes it's just random...when I'm feeling that strong need to share. I also tell my mom and sister whenever we finish a visit or call. For a long time, it was a lot easier for me to express love to females in know what I mean. Emotional love. Not spreading the love Woodstock style.

So why is it so hard for unrelated guys to say...

Okay, sidebar...I'm going to be honest here. Unless I'm feeling a little soppy, the man hug is very awkward for me. Please don't judge. I really try not to be that way. I've convinced myself that Jesus was a hugger when He walked the why shouldn't I be a hugger too? No, it's not Biblical, so don't try to find it in your Bible... even if it is an NIV Bible. Maybe I based my conclusion on all the male hugging that goes on in the movie Ben Hur...I'm just was a virtual orgy of arm wrapping. Ben hugging Messala, a Roman Tribune. Ben hugging Arrius, a Roman Consul. I'm not quite sure how things were in the Roman military, but I can assure you the United States Marine Corps is not so touchy-feely of an organization...or at least wasn't in my time. I doubt you'd find all that hugging at an NRA rally either...Chuck Heston.

Just why is it so hard for a man to say I love you to another man? Is it a cultural thing? A societal issue? Psychological? Just what makes it so darn difficult?

At times, it has become easier for me though. The closer my walk with Christ, the less encumbered I seem to be about expressing my love for others...even guys. Maybe that comes from realizing that everything Jesus taught He wrapped into two great commandments as recorded in the Gospel of Mark: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength...Love your neighbor as yourself.

I stray from these words all too often. That's when I find it most difficult to tell a brother I love you man or wrap my arms around him in Christian love and encouragement. When it's hard to love yourself because you are saddled with the guilt of sin or you aren't as close as you should be to Christ...can you adequately love someone else? Sure seems like an uphill battle to me.

For you guys reading Tony C Today out there...I love you man. Hey, that wasn't so darn hard after all. Actually, I love all of you... and hope you are blessed in a special way today.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

What a friend our side has in Jesus...

I'd like to say it's a new trend...but unfortunately, that would be far from the truth.

It seems Jesus has taken a center role in the health care reform debate. Yes, our Lord and Savior now has a voice of opinion through His teachings over 2000 years ago as documented by the Holy Bible as to which side is morally correct on the health care issue. Championing the Son of God is none other than...the Democrats.

Excuse me?

After hearing this nonsense last week, I had to tune to talk radio this week (gasp). I've been very disappointed and even outraged (yes I know, the latter is the point of talk radio). Both side are now slinging the name of Jesus and pseudo-biblical verses around at a blasphemous tear that would put an MTV awards show to shame.

As if the television broadcast above wasn't bad enough, I actually heard the guest host on Laura Ingraham's radio show say Jesus gave us the lesson of teaching a man to fish so he could feed himself for a lifetime, not just giving him a fish to eat for a day. Jesus was about teaching people, not just giving them what they wanted. I believe Jesus hates socialism from what I know from the Bible.

I'm sorry. Is there a Asian Jesus I'm unaware of in another book? What chapter and verse in the Holy Bible can I find that? I always thought that axiom was from a Chinese proverb. Hmmm...maybe that cleanliness is next to godliness thing is in the Bible after all, and I can get my $20 back from the Youth Pastor. I need to look into that.

Both Democrats and Republicans...please just stop with the WWJD stuff! Neither of you are helping your side in the bigger picture. Christian conservatives should know better than twist the teachings of the Son of God to make it support their side in any debate. Liberals...well...just when the heck did you ever care about anything Jesus said? With politicians from both sides spewing 'Jesus this' and 'Jesus that' inside the halls of Congress, I'm sure the Separation Police over at the ACLU are all lying on the floor convulsing like fish on the deck of a fishing boat when the catch is hauled on board.

(Separation Police agents at ACLU Headquarters monitoring CSPAN while religious alert alarms scream endlessly...)

They can't say that!

She shouldn't use that name!

No, don't mention that book.

For God sake people, this is a public building! I didn't mean God! Strike that. Hire more atheist's like the 1950's all over again! (Loud wailing and gnashing of teeth)

Personally, I say we give Jesus a break and leave him out of the political bickering. I'm pretty sure He's more worried about the eternal health care plan you have...not your HMO's bottom line.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Dear God, I'd like a new ski boat, but give him a new kidney first...

Hey...I'll be praying for you.

When you tell someone you'll be praying for them or someone ask you to pray for them, do you actually take the time to remember the person in prayer?

That's a tough one. Being a prayer warrior is a true calling, and doing it right requires a degree of discipline and humility not many of us come by easily. Humility? Yes, I believe presenting the needs of others to God ahead of your own needs requires a great deal of humility. We live in a self-absorbed world that tries to drive us to a narcissistic point of view...But what's in it for me?

Paul tells us in his letter to Timothy that praying for others is the key to a clear conscience, so in fact, praying on the behalf of someone else provides a direct benefit to the person praying. Now, I'm not saying you should focus on the benefit you receive from praying for others...that's not the point. But if you're inclined to need additional motivation to pray for others...there you have it.

1I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— 2for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. I Timothy 1-4 (NIV)

A familiar verse to most Christians that we hear a lot following Presidential Elections...but did you ever notice the word 'then' in verse 1 (the word 'therefore' appears in the KJV)? The presence of that word reminds me that Paul didn't lay his letter to Timothy out in the chapter/verse format we're used to reading, and there must be something significant in the previous verse he is bringing to a conclusion. Let's take a look:

18Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, 19holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith. 20Among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme. I Timothy 2:18-20 (NIV)

So when you read the context of Paul's point through all seven verses, you see the importance (I urge...) of praying for others in the sight of God, but also as a matter of doing a little personal inventory. Let me tie that up a little better...

My experience tells me that it's very difficult to pray for someone else when you have something bad weighing on your conscience. No matter how hard I try to focus on the person or need I'm praying for, I keep going back to...But what about this (sin) in your life? Do you thing God's listening to you with that albatross hanging around your neck? What good are you doing for this person you're trying to help if you can't deal with (sin)?

Ouch. Paul charges Timothy to hold onto faith and good conscience so not to shipwreck his own faith. A good conscience is a conscience that does not condemn you for the things you do or don't do. So, what Paul is saying is that in order for your ship of faith to stay need to see to it that you don't do the things your conscience condemns or leave undone the things which your conscience demands.

Tony C...what the heck does this have to do with praying for others? Wrap it up for me.

Okay, I'll paraphrase Paul with the TIV (Tony C International Version, with credit to Pastor Heavy D)...since you must keep a good conscience in order not to make shipwreck of your faith, I urge you first of all to pray for all men. At the top of Paul's list of things that we must do in order to keep a clear conscience is to pray for other people. In order to see why failing to pray for people leads to a bad conscience and so jeopardize our faith, we have to ask... What is it that will nudge a Christian's conscience in his relationship to other people?

The answer to that question is clear from the direction of the entire Bible... all God's instruction is summed up in this... Love God with your whole being and love your neighbor as yourself. Therefore, anything we do to people that is unloving will prick our conscience and threaten our faith. With that as a foundation, we can start to see why prayer for other people is at the top of Paul's list of things we must do in order to keep a clear conscience.

Now that we've worked on having a clear conscience, there's a lot of prayer request that need lifting up. I hope you will keep me in your's the least I can do to help you stay guilt-free...

In Christ Love

Friday, August 14, 2009

It takes more than lemons to make lemonade...

My lawnmower decided to quit at a bad time of the year...

I'm blessed and thankful to have a brother-in-law who has a wonderful knack for being 'Johnny on the spot.' I called to see if I could get a loaner, and he immediately offered to mow my yard for me. Both he and my sister really took care of my yard last summer. It became a pet project for my sis, and I was again very appreciative because of a few personal health issues last year. It would be nice to find a teenager looking for some extra cash, but we know that isn't happening these days.

Prepare for the proverbial time warp back to 'In my day...'

Okay, now that we're all a teenager, I was always looking for ways to make money. Opportunity usually came in either a hay or tobacco field. Growing up in East Tennessee, both types were in abundance. It wasn't unusual to gain a day of work by word of mouth. My dad would say 'so and so' needs help with hay on Saturday or 'so and so' needs to top his tobacco tomorrow...and there you go. The going rate was usually $20 for an entire day which was a fortune for teenager back then. Once you got the rep for being a good worker, you'd stay busy for sure.

Putting up hay was hard labor because everyone 'square-baled' back then. For you urban types and kids born after the Reagan Administration, a square bale of hay is a near extinct commodity that was neither light nor square.

These days, square bales are usually limited to Fall decorative displays...well...and erosion controlling devices in some of the poorer counties. Farmers got away from baling this way because it was labor intensive, and labor for such task has gotten both scarce and expensive.

The process involved a tractor, trailer/wagon and a dozen or so workers. The weak link usually drove the tractor. Stacking the bales on the trailer required the most skill, so the process wasn't a perpetual repeat of throwing bales on the wagon, stacking, bales falling off the wagon, throwing bales on the wagon...

Everyone else was a thrower, and I was usually in that group. We would work, share stories, and laugh at people who picked up a bale with an unfortunate tortoise or unusually slow rabbit who got in the way of the baler and ended up mauled. It was hard work, but at the end of the day, the $20 was very real to me. I wasn't about to run out and spend it frivolously on something that would be a distant memory by the next weekend.

Later in college, I worked as the gardener for Judge Thomas A. Shriver, a former member of the Tennessee Court of Appeals in Nashville. Judge Shriver liked to help local college students where he could, and through a stroke of totally blind luck, I got the gig to work at his home when he needed things done around the grounds. Now it was my responsibility to contact the Judge or his wife Attie Gene to see if they needed me for work. I would check in a couple of times a week with each call always resulting in a few moments of encouragement from both of them on my school efforts.

Working at the Shriver became much more than just a paying job for me. The day would start with meeting the near 90 year old judge 'out back', where he would be in his yard hat and boots. There I would get my marching orders for the task at hand with each list always ending 'and turn the compost pile.' Often Judge Shriver would point at a tree or bush he wanted trimmed, but the shaking of his hand would leave me wondering which of the 3 or 4 plants he was referring. So not to embarrass him, I would walk over to the area and placing my hand ask, 'This one Judge Shriver?'

Lunch was always more adventurous than the yard work. Mrs. Shriver would call us in by literally ringing a bell. The Judge would change footwear and put his hat up for lunch. We would wash up in the basement and proceed upstairs where lunch was served on the Shriver's silver settings. Not to paint a wrong picture here because the Shrivers were obviously well off financially, but their home was modest and seasoned. Judge Shriver would eat his lunch in front of the television from a TV tray after his wife got him situated and served. She would then join me at the table where the lunch spread was both diverse and plentiful. I experienced my first crumpet at that table and hot tea poured from a silver pot. It all seemed so...surreal.

Mrs. Shriver: So you found a snake in the yard? Was it the poisonous kind?
Young Tony C: No ma'am, just a black snake. I took care of it.
Mrs. Shriver: More blackberry preserves? Could they get into the main house?
Young Tony C: No thank you. I don't think so. We've got the doors around back sealed pretty good.
Mrs. Shriver: Thank heavens. I would just die if one got in the house. God made the woman and the snake mortal enemies in the Garden of remember.
Young Tony C: Yes ma'am I do. But don't worry. That one will never bother you I'm sure.

By the end of lunch, Judge Shriver would be well into his afternoon nap in his reclining chair. I would go back to the yard to finish my list and any other task I could see needed to be done that day. By the time the turning of the compost pile got around, the Judge would be awake and back in the yard with me. Then came my favorite part of the entire job. Getting paid? No, not quite. Judge Shriver and I would clean up and go to the front porch where Attie Gene's famous lemonade would be waiting. No matter how busy I was or what I needed to get back to at school, we would always sit and talk over at least one glass of lemonade. He would share with me a story from his past that was actual living Tennessee history.

Don't ask me how I knew the magnitude of those stories as a naive, brash college student in Nashville looking more for the fun side of carpe diem than the philosophical significance...I just knew. I needed the money, and that's why I took the job. But no matter how hard I worked, the payout I received in time spent with the Shrivers combined with the actual wage always outweighed my efforts. It was an experience in my education that I consider invaluable.

I've never been on any court that didn't involve a ball. I'm pretty sure there are no silver serving trays in my least to my knowledge. My home is modest at best. But if you have a working lawnmower and need to make a few extra bucks, I've got a standing gig for you in Kingsport. On top of that...I know a ton of stories, and Mrs. Tony C makes a pretty decent pitcher of Kool-Aid lemonade too...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 it comes!

I put a lot of thought into what my 100th post should be about...and I was perplexed.

Should it be humorous, have a good moral, express appreciation for someone/something? Reflect a mixture of my other 99 post? That would be impossible. A praise post? A slammer? What should number 100 be about?

How about a list?! My 100th post will be a list of the top issues important to me, and my two cents on each. If you would be so kind as to indulge me:

1. Christians are not adequately represented by either major party.

    I know...I know. Let's just jump right out of the gate with this one, but it's true. History shows both parties have a steep tradition in Christian roots with Catholics traditionally aligning with Democrats and Evangelical Protestants with Republicans. But there's a twist. White Catholics have slowly migrated to the Republican party while Latinos remain mostly Catholic and mostly Democrats (see Pew Research here). The same split can be seen among Protestants with Mainline Protestants overwhelmingly Democrats and Evangelicals voting Republican. When all is said and becomes a wash for both sides. So who best represents Christian principles in politics? Republicans openly tried to distance the party from Evangelical Christians in the last election, and the Democrats are so married to liberal philosophy that the mere mention of religion and politics in the same sentence somehow triggers alarms at ACLU headquarters and automatically releases the hounds.
    May God forgive me for what I'm about to say because I truly understand God is bigger than any political party or any single nation. There is an unavoidable fracture about to happen in either or both parties in the near future. The two-party system is tired...fought many hard battles...but still tired. Those of us committed to Christian principles better take our heads out of the sand and pay attention. The 'de-Christianing' of our country only really started less than 50 years ago. In God We Trust became our National Motto by Act of Congress in 1956. Can you imagine that debate just 53 years later? Minority religions are both encouraged and protected by the mainstream, yet the cry of 'separation of church and state' can be heard by secularist at the first hint of a Holy Bible being present in a public forum.
    Christians need a political party that puts our Christian principles first.
    (sound of crickets)
    There. I said it. I'm not advocating for a 'Christian only' nation, so don't try to misrepresent what I'm saying. I firmly believe in and support the constitutional principle of Freedom of Religion. But, Christians need a voice in government on issues not lumped in with other irrelevant/contradicting party platform issues before we're legislated out of any influence whatsoever within our own country.
    Is that a way to start a list or what!

    2. The Nation's debt is out of control.

    Do I really need to elaborate here? Our current budget balance as a percentage of GDP is -13.2%. Only Great Britain is higher at -13.9%, and we're the only countries among the world's 50 largest in double digits. We are bankrupting our country in an effort to have it all now. Balance the budget today...period.

    3. The health care system in our country needs reform.

    A polarized issue that has been mutated in the political quagmire of Washington while insurance companies, HMO's and certain segments of the health care field rake in the cash hand over fist. Greed will eventually bring down our health care system like it did our financial institutions recently. Do we really want to wait around for that to happen? It's not a Democrat or Republican issue to's an American issue. Fix it!

    4. The tax system is long overdue an overhaul.

    Our current tax code is so complicated that a computer program written specifically to determine a person's tax liability (read TurboTax) is only accurate 94% of the time. The major reason for error...putting in the wrong information. I'm sure that 6% were very elated at the penalties and interest tacked on by the IRS for their mistake. Makes you wonder just how accurate the IRS really is. We need a much more fair and simpler code.

    I'll expect an audit notice soon.

    5. The U.S. can't adequately fight another war.

    If we are provoked into a fight with North Korea, Iran or both, our current military structure and manpower levels will be unable to effectively fight and maintain ongoing campaigns. Such a scenario would leave the U.S. completely vulnerable to an attack by another country lurking in the wings waiting to topple the big dog on the block (read Russia).

    Who will jump to align with us this time? For some reason, I see Europe sitting this scenario on the sidelines. Expect a draft and don't cry about it. Our fathers went through it, their fathers endured it...freedom comes with a price... as the cliche goes.

    6. Term limits for Congress are an absolute must.

    How many problems would this one fix right off the bat? Professional politicians are great at taking care of one group...themselves. Tocqueville was completely sold on the concept of the amateur politician in America as opposed to the life-long types in Europe (Democracy in America). Why did we turn from this?

    Give both houses an 8 year limit. That's plenty of time to foul things up.

    7. Our communities must find a way to better engage our young people.

    I've written a number of post on this matter and still hold firm to the view that teenagers and young adults are underutilized today. The trend has slowly increased to the point complete apathy in youth people seems concrete. Community organizations, churches, local governments must find ways...creative get the younger generations involved. Not doing so will most certainly have negative, long-term consequences on our position in the world as an economic and military power.

    Also, setting low expectations for our young people will only result ultimately in their achievement of low performance.

    8. The media should be held more accountable for what it says/prints.

    Freedom of the press does not constitute freedom to irresponsibly act. Most people distrust and are completely fed up with our infotainment style of journalism today. Want it to change? Stop buying newspapers, listening to talk radio, and watching news programs. See how fast things change. If you expect the media to suddenly change out of a collective conscience awakening to do the right're probably still washing clothes by beating them on a rock (dirty laundry pun intended).

    We've got to break from the doomsday mentality the media has created in an effort to sell advertising. Oh...I'm didn't realize that's what it's all about? Forget journalistic integrity. Every one is wanting a piece of your budget pie. Shocking headlines get attention. Attention draws more viewers. More viewers mean more ad revenues. Always follow the have more control than you realize.

So, there's my list. I can't adequately express the blessing it has been to come in contact with so many great people through this little, insignificant blog. Even the comments and emails of belligerent opposition have affected me in a profound way. Thank you for reading Tony C Today. If nothing else...I hope you've laughed a little and pondered a bit.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Where everybody knows your name...unfortunately.

I'll admit I'm often an idiot...

I was reminded of that fact last weekend when the teenager went to eat with other family members and brought back leftovers for the fridge. Like her old man, she's loves hot wings and went to a restaurant noted for great wings. Little did she know the anxiety she would create in her father when he opened the refrigerator door later that day to see the take-out box from...

Allow me to explain.

There was a time in the life of Tony C Today when I would frequent said establishment. All that changed when my heart was taken by Mrs. Tony C Today...and for the better. It was bliss and constantly falling rose petals as we honeymooned for several years. Oh, we had the occasional disagreement about trivial on or off at night, Heinz or Hunts, toilet seat issues, etc. The most consistent point of disagreement was the dreaded 'Where do you want to eat?' question...the focal point cause of conflicts in so many modern would almost be my undoing too.

It was a typical weekend night as Mrs. Tony C and I travelled down our town's version of restaurant row. We had done it all way too many times.

Tony C: Where do you want to eat tonight Dear?

Mrs. Tony C: Where do you Honey?

Tony C: Your choice Pookie. Whatever you're in the mood for tonight.

We rolled down the street passing restaurant after restaurant...

Mrs. Tony C (glancing over at the familiar owl sign): I've never eaten at Hooters. How about...

Let me state with scientific certainty that a Nissan Pathfinder can conduct a 90 degree turn traveling at 32 mph without a major component flying off. Just FYI.

Mrs. Tony C: Whoa! Hooters it is!

Tony C: Are you sure Dumpling...I is something different.

Mrs. Tony C: For me it's different. Sweetie, you've been here before.

Tony C: Yeah, but not in years Sugarlips.

Mrs. Tony C: We'll give it a try.

As we walked up to the door hand in hand, my carnal self began to imagine the combining of the old with the new...could it work? Should it work? As the door flung open and we were greeted by the Hooter Girl Beth, that last question came across my love's lips...

Mrs. Tony C: When was the last time you was here?

Tony C: Years...

My answer hung in the air as we walked through the door and were greeted by...

Except 'Norm!' wasn't was MY name.

Not since jumping from an airplane have I felt the sensation of overwhelming pride and complete utter terror simultaneously. It honestly had been years since my last visit, but little did I know that as my life had moved on...the lives of some of my old friends had been pretty much static and very predictable.

I knew, instinctively, the next few seconds could forever change my horizon...

Mrs. Tony C: HOW long did you say it's been since you've been here?

Tony C: Pookie...I just know these people from way back...honest.

And then, quite possibly, the counter move of my entire life...

Tony C: Do you want to go someplace else? It's really no problem. We can leave.

Mrs. Tony C: No...we're here. Let's just eat.

For some reason, the experience wasn't what I had pictured though. The food was average at best, and the service is a lot different in mixed company...I mean...the die are cast in that situation. Not that I desired the silly flirtations that usually...what I really mean is...I wasn't looking for the the girls...aaagghhhh!

Sometimes I'm just an idiot.

We don't really use pet names for each other anymore. Not sure we actually ever did...and I've not seen one single rose petal fall since that dreaded day.

Good thing Mrs. Tony C fell in love with a very lucky, forgiven idiot!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

When we all get to Heaven...can I play football?

Are you a Christian?

If you're anything like me, you love being posed that question by someone not a Christian. It's an open invitation to share the wonders and glory of God with someone obviously curious...or sometimes aggrevated. When asked that question and the door opens for me to go into a full court press, I get the same pregame jitters I used to get back in the day before playing a high school football game. My coach called it E I...which according to him, stood for Emotional Intensity. He deducted that tidbit of wisdom when his 3 year old daughter would yell 'E I daddy, E I!' every time they passed the Golden Arches. 'She's got emotional intensity about the Mac Donald's like most kids do,' he would explain, 'the same emotional intensity you should be feeling about the privilege to play this game of football!'

Even though sarcasm was practically a way of life for me in those days, I didn't have the nerve or the guts to point out his daughter's association with the Golden Arches, in all likelihood, stemmed from the popular song that most all 3 year old's know as 'Old McDonald' and the repetitive verse of 'E I E I O.' He was a very scary man and wouldn't have taken kindly to me pointing that out...I'm sure.

Back to the question at hand.

If there's excitement in the opportunity to answer the question 'Are you a Christian?' from a nonbeliever, there's also a certain degree of gastrologic activity when I find out the question is directed by another Christian...stomach rumbles often in the form of anxiety. Why? Because most certainly, the follow up question by another Christian seems to always be 'What church or denomination do you belong?'

And there's where the problems always begin...

It would be so nice to leave it at 'the Jesus denomination,' but we all know that wouldn't fly, and the questions will become more persistent...and judgemental. Why is that such an important question to other Christians? Protestant Christians. Catholics are only subject to a single follow up question. Once they answer 'Roman Catholic,' the issue is dead...and that's not some Protestant pun I'm slinging.

Quick side bar...I actually spray spit my beverage once while with some friends and the question was answered 'Catholic' by a newcomer to our group only to be countered with 'That's not Christian!' Yes...apparently there are actual college students not familiar with the movement called the Reformation and a gentleman named Martin surprising as that may be. But I'll revisit that at a later time.

Labels. We have to label everything...even God. If you are a Christian, have you ever stopped to think what our denominational divide looks like to the nonbelievers? I mean, if we can't all be in unison on something as important as the Creator of all things and His plan for our eternal home, nonbelievers must wonder how inspired can we really be? It's an age old, 16th century problem that's as likely to be resolved as the problem of wiener vendors packaging wieners in quantities of 10 and hot dog bun vendors packaging buns in quantities of 8...because none of the parties involved are going to compromise.

I'm a Christian...a follower of Jesus Christ. I should feel emotionally intense about this symbol and what it means to all of us. I know and believe that Jesus is the only way to the Father. That's how it is...His game plan. As I strive each day to walk closer with Him and follow His teachings from over 2000 years ago, is it really an important detail that I go to church at the First Church of the Sword of Joshua Independent Full Gospel Pentecostal Assembly?

Just kidding mom...I'm still a Baptist...take a deep breath...