As many of you already know, I'm a very fortunate man. A blessed man with a beautiful family held together by the family nucleus...Mrs. Tony C. It's no secret. I don't deny it. The two girls and I are just electrons spinning wildly around that solid center. I accept and embrace her role in our...nuclear family (sorry, that was too easy).
Although we share a very strong set of core beliefs, there's just enough variations in our individual way of thinking to keep life interesting in our marriage...without causing major strife. For example, I'm an ice cream fanatic while her food fix is bread. She likes the sheets all tucked in tight before we sleep, and I find the constriction a sure recipe for insomnia. I detest reality TV, and she...okay...I'm lying. I love reality TV too...but not the Kardashians!
However, never were our differences more apparent than the day this commercial aired while we were watching the Discovery Channel:
Tony C: That was the creepiest thing I believe I've ever watched...on a number of levels.
Mrs. Tony C: Really? I liked it.
Tony C: No way! Was it a car commercial or a promotion for a socialist society that embraces synchronized child labor?
Mrs. Tony C: Don't be so sarcastic. It's a representation of humans as nature to suggest we are one with our environment.
Tony C: Okay! Here we go...the tree hugger makes an appearance! It was freaky. They're little kids...or midgets...little people...whatever...
Mrs. Tony C: It was probably done digitally.
Tony C: ... or in China. After that Olympic opening ceremony in Beijing, we got good insight into how 'extra' people fit into a socialist society. Poor Chinese kids were probably beat for missing the cues.
Mrs. Tony C: The whole point of the commercial was to get you to buy an environmentally friendly car. Why is that so bad?
Tony C: I believe either your parents ran around butt-naked at Woodstock with the rest of the hippies or you have a Gore gene somewhere in the family tree.
Mrs. Tony C: Woodstock? Weren't you there?
Tony C: I was five!
Mrs. Tony C: Hey, you watched an Inconvenient Truth...
Tony C: Stop! We promised never to discuss that...ever!
Mrs. Tony C (chuckling): Yeah...we did...
Yes, my wife's a tree hugger, at least a part-time tree hugger. An environmentalist. She reads and believes National Geographic. In a way, I admire her commitment to recycling, conservation, and protecting the planet God entrusted to us. But, the conservative in me won't let it show. Her motives, on the other hand, are genuine and sincere. Just don't tell her I said so...
Tony C (having a nightmare): The kids! Midgets! Waves and waves...falling, falling! Toto! Where's my dog! My dog!
Mrs. Tony C:(awake from the commotion): Tony!
Tony C (groggy): Whoa! That was weird. Really weird. I was in that creepy Prius commercial...
Mrs. Tony C: It's okay. You can tell me about it in the morning. I love you...good night.
Tony C: Oh...okay. In the morning...(sigh)...stinking Prius. (Kicking wildly) Why... are... these... stupid sheets tucked in at the bottom so tight!
Mrs. Tony C (under her breath): ...idiot...
Tony C: What?
Mrs. Tony C: I love you.
Tony C: Oh...love you too. Hold me?
Mrs. Tony C: Don't I always...
Disclaimer: I have never watched or read An Inconvenient Truth. If anyone says otherwise, you should consider the source to be a pathological liar, unless I happen to be married to that person...which would still mean she lied...well...at least to me.