Thursday, September 10, 2009

She's got a way about her...

As many of you already know, I'm a very fortunate man. A blessed man with a beautiful family held together by the family nucleus...Mrs. Tony C. It's no secret. I don't deny it. The two girls and I are just electrons spinning wildly around that solid center. I accept and embrace her role in our...nuclear family (sorry, that was too easy).

Although we share a very strong set of core beliefs, there's just enough variations in our individual way of thinking to keep life interesting in our marriage...without causing major strife. For example, I'm an ice cream fanatic while her food fix is bread. She likes the sheets all tucked in tight before we sleep, and I find the constriction a sure recipe for insomnia. I detest reality TV, and she...okay...I'm lying. I love reality TV too...but not the Kardashians!

However, never were our differences more apparent than the day this commercial aired while we were watching the Discovery Channel:

Tony C: That was the creepiest thing I believe I've ever watched...on a number of levels.

Mrs. Tony C: Really? I liked it.

Tony C: No way! Was it a car commercial or a promotion for a socialist society that embraces synchronized child labor?

Mrs. Tony C: Don't be so sarcastic. It's a representation of humans as nature to suggest we are one with our environment.

Tony C: Okay! Here we go...the tree hugger makes an appearance! It was freaky. They're little kids...or midgets...little people...whatever...

Mrs. Tony C: It was probably done digitally.

Tony C: ... or in China. After that Olympic opening ceremony in Beijing, we got good insight into how 'extra' people fit into a socialist society. Poor Chinese kids were probably beat for missing the cues.

Mrs. Tony C: The whole point of the commercial was to get you to buy an environmentally friendly car. Why is that so bad?

Tony C: I believe either your parents ran around butt-naked at Woodstock with the rest of the hippies or you have a Gore gene somewhere in the family tree.

Mrs. Tony C: Woodstock? Weren't you there?

Tony C: I was five!

Mrs. Tony C: Hey, you watched an Inconvenient Truth...

Tony C: Stop! We promised never to discuss that...ever!

Mrs. Tony C (chuckling): Yeah...we did...

Yes, my wife's a tree hugger, at least a part-time tree hugger. An environmentalist. She reads and believes National Geographic. In a way, I admire her commitment to recycling, conservation, and protecting the planet God entrusted to us. But, the conservative in me won't let it show. Her motives, on the other hand, are genuine and sincere. Just don't tell her I said so...

Tony C (having a nightmare): The kids! Midgets! Waves and waves...falling, falling! Toto! Where's my dog! My dog!

Mrs. Tony C:(awake from the commotion): Tony!

Tony C (groggy): Whoa! That was weird. Really weird. I was in that creepy Prius commercial...

Mrs. Tony C: It's okay. You can tell me about it in the morning. I love you...good night.

Tony C: Oh...okay. In the morning...(sigh)...stinking Prius. (Kicking wildly) Why... are... these... stupid sheets tucked in at the bottom so tight!

Mrs. Tony C (under her breath): ...idiot...

Tony C: What?

Mrs. Tony C: I love you.

Tony C: you too. Hold me?

Mrs. Tony C: Don't I always...

Disclaimer: I have never watched or read An Inconvenient Truth. If anyone says otherwise, you should consider the source to be a pathological liar, unless I happen to be married to that person...which would still mean she least to me.


Anonymous said...

I am a tree hugger too! Someone has to step up to the plate and be responsible for saving our planet for our children and grandchildren. It just takes one person at a time to do a good deed and maybe it will start a wave of good deeds! GOD created all and he doesn't make mistakes but humans sometimes just don't know how to appreciate the beauty and especially when it comes to taking care of GOD'S CREATION!

Dale Sadler said...

I'm a conservative tree-hugger from Carthage, TN and I don't trust Al Gore. Does that make me a hypocrite?

Z said...

Nothing wrong with conserving, protecting,...fresh air, clean water and trees!
Just have the facts straight! Do NOT lie about global warming and do NOT have conferences with only the Gore Group's thinking represented and do not tell us what kind of car to drive...Why's that so hard for lefty fringers to understand?
Conservatives ..CONSERVATION! It's an easy leap, right!?

Having said that...Tony! I LOVED this post...your dialogues are terrific!

NC Sue said...

I'm with you when it comes to the commercial. Reeeeellly CREEPY. Not sure why... maybe because I'm a little person (vertically challenged although horizontally blessed).

katdish said...

That was so stinking funny.

Thanks for starting my day with a smile.

Tee Martin said...

Do you do speaking engagements? I found your blog in Facebook looking for issues on faith. You talk in a way most anyone could understand and I would love to have you speak to a group I lead at UNM. Of course being familiar with Tennessee just a little I know how people from there can be very direct. But your funny to.
This is my favorite blog. If you see Teddy G say hey from Tee.

Laretha said...

That was hilarious!!!

Anonymous said...

Are these stories for real?

Mrs. Tony C has to be the most patient woman on the planet. I take it there is a big age difference between you. If I'm wrong, I apologize. Not that you look old or anything. lol

Thanks for all the laughs you give me reading this blog!

David said...

LOL- Marriage. I guess I am more fortunate then you, Mary Anne and I both said "creepy" at that exact same moment we saw that commercial. She owes me a Coke 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10.

Jeff Dunham's Hummer has Prius-es (Pri-I) stuck in the grill work.

Sure, we have been given dominion over the planet, so we should be taking care of it for that reason, and no other.

We don't need PriI for the environment as much as we need them to get us off foreign oil. Hmm... maybe GM and Chrysler will take note now-- nah, too late. Yes, what is going to happen to the Corvette, the Camaro, the Challenger and the coveted Viper??? But I did hear that a some place in FL is making a 600 HP, 9 second 1/4 mile electric Mustang!

Al Gore is fool, you can tell when ever his lips are moving. Global Warming is a farce, and the same pot smoking scientists told me in 7th grade that we were going to have another ice age around the year 2000. BTW - The last one? It ended with global warming-- woolly mammoth farts I think.

*muah* great blog!

photogr said...

So I am not the only one that thinks the Prius commercial is a bit creepy. For a minute there I thought I had went south in the brains dept.

Al Gore is the biggest hypocrite since Dirt was invented. You would think he also invented the internet if you believe him. Hard to take him serious considering the energy wastful house he now lives in.

Horay for tree huggers. Some one has to stand up for the deforestation of our green belt areas.

I used to go to an area to photograph the wild life creatures. It was about 1,000 acres and had a lake where the water fowl spent the season living out their lives in harmony.

One year there arrived several bulldozers and heavy equipment. The area was leveled with in a week and the lake was drained leaving a vast plain of black dirt. This was the time of the year where the water fowl had just had their gooslings and ducklings. I counted hundreds of gooslings and ducklings dead from heat and starvation. The parents weren't in much better condition considering they would not abandon their off spring.It was a sad picture Nature wise.
Some money hungry land developers had this area rezoned from a green belt to commercial land area which is now Kings Auto Mall and Water Stone Shopping Complex in Cincinnati.

Yeah. I am a tree hugger but I don't believe Global warming is caused by humans.It is caused by greedy land developers ( non humans).

Anonymous said...

Funnier than anything in TV! We need a Tony C Today sitcom.

Chris Denning said...

It's distressing to me when big companies cave to pressure from the government and start promoting green when it's just another fad to prove you're cool and responsible when you're not. I'm all for not dumping waste into rivers and streams but it takes just as much or more energy and causes just as much pollution to recycle as not. Global warming is caused by the sun as anyone who stops to think could tell you. Carbon dioxide is a vital gas to plants, which use it to produce a necessity for humans: oxygen. We have a wonderful earth that God created especially for man. Sure, we can corrupt it, but it's going nowhere until He is good and ready. "Say among the nations, 'The Lord reigns; indeed the world is firmly established, it will not be moved; He will judge the peoples with equity.'" His coming judgment should be of most concern!