Friday, August 7, 2009

Where everybody knows your name...unfortunately.

I'll admit I'm often an idiot...

I was reminded of that fact last weekend when the teenager went to eat with other family members and brought back leftovers for the fridge. Like her old man, she's loves hot wings and went to a restaurant noted for great wings. Little did she know the anxiety she would create in her father when he opened the refrigerator door later that day to see the take-out box from...

Allow me to explain.

There was a time in the life of Tony C Today when I would frequent said establishment. All that changed when my heart was taken by Mrs. Tony C Today...and for the better. It was bliss and constantly falling rose petals as we honeymooned for several years. Oh, we had the occasional disagreement about trivial issues...fan on or off at night, Heinz or Hunts, toilet seat issues, etc. The most consistent point of disagreement was the dreaded 'Where do you want to eat?' question...the focal point cause of conflicts in so many modern relationships....it would almost be my undoing too.

It was a typical weekend night as Mrs. Tony C and I travelled down our town's version of restaurant row. We had done it all way too many times.

Tony C: Where do you want to eat tonight Dear?

Mrs. Tony C: Where do you Honey?

Tony C: Your choice Pookie. Whatever you're in the mood for tonight.

We rolled down the street passing restaurant after restaurant...

Mrs. Tony C (glancing over at the familiar owl sign): I've never eaten at Hooters. How about...

Let me state with scientific certainty that a Nissan Pathfinder can conduct a 90 degree turn traveling at 32 mph without a major component flying off. Just FYI.

Mrs. Tony C: Whoa! Hooters it is!

Tony C: Are you sure Dumpling...I mean...it is something different.

Mrs. Tony C: For me it's different. Sweetie, you've been here before.

Tony C: Yeah, but not in years Sugarlips.

Mrs. Tony C: We'll give it a try.

As we walked up to the door hand in hand, my carnal self began to imagine the combining of the old with the new...could it work? Should it work? As the door flung open and we were greeted by the Hooter Girl Beth, that last question came across my love's lips...

Mrs. Tony C: When was the last time you was here?

Tony C: Years...

My answer hung in the air as we walked through the door and were greeted by...


Except 'Norm!' wasn't yelled...it was MY name.

Not since jumping from an airplane have I felt the sensation of overwhelming pride and complete utter terror simultaneously. It honestly had been years since my last visit, but little did I know that as my life had moved on...the lives of some of my old friends had been pretty much static and very predictable.

I knew, instinctively, the next few seconds could forever change my horizon...

Mrs. Tony C: HOW long did you say it's been since you've been here?

Tony C: Pookie...I just know these people from way back...honest.

And then, quite possibly, the counter move of my entire life...

Tony C: Do you want to go someplace else? It's really no problem. We can leave.

Mrs. Tony C: No...we're here. Let's just eat.

For some reason, the experience wasn't what I had pictured though. The food was average at best, and the service is a lot different in mixed company...I mean...the die are cast in that situation. Not that I desired the silly flirtations that usually...what I really mean is...I wasn't looking for the girls...at the girls...aaagghhhh!

Sometimes I'm just an idiot.

We don't really use pet names for each other anymore. Not sure we actually ever did...and I've not seen one single rose petal fall since that dreaded day.

Good thing Mrs. Tony C fell in love with a doofus...one very lucky, forgiven idiot!

11 comments:

Z said...

That is HILARIOUS!
Thanks, Tony....you put a smile on my politics-addled face!! xx
(I've never been to a Hooters, either...I'm not sure there IS one in LA...we've probably got WAAAY worse..and no, I haven't been THERE, either!)(I guess I don't have to add "I've never eaten OR served there" heh)

Luke said...

I've been to Hooters once, I think.

And let me just say for the record: There is nothing fun about a woman who is old enough to be your mom in that getup calling you "hon."

Nothing fun at all.

~Luke

Beth in NC said...

LOL ... Luke's comment got me. ha ha

I've never been to Hooters and my husband hasn't been in many many years. Definitely not a place for a Christian guy who wants to keep his mind where it should be ...

I'm sure the blood left your face when your name was called. LOL Too funny!

Stuart said...

That's great! Tony C Today is just a Christian sitcom waiting to happen.

You could become the Christian Jerry Seinfeld starring and writing your own show. Yes, it's that good!

Bless you brother and stay out of Hooters.

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

Bah ha! Great story, Tony. So did teenager actually meet any longtime connections? Probably not, but that's still too close for comfort :)

Mesha said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - this is HYSTERICAL!!!

Anonymous said...

I've never been to Hooters, but somehow I think the wings are the secondary draw. The primary draw is pretty obvious (the creators knew how to pick a name).

It's sad young women would subjugate themselves to something just short of being strippers for tip money. How could you respect yourself?

Of course, such place wouldn't exist if men weren't so 'carnal' as you say.

The Hooters Girl said...

I'm not sure if you're being negative about Hooters and showing everyone how henpecked you are, but the food is far from average and the brand is world famous. Families eat at Hooters all the time where I work. The girls are just everyday sisters trying to earn an honest living.

Also, working there put me through college. Read my blog at http://www.thehootersgirl.blogspot.com/

Tony C said...

Hooters just isn't for everyone, and to deny the marketing driven appeal of cool food being served by scantly dressed girls is naive...at best.

If loving and respecting my wife makes me henpecked...color me there.

I wouldn't recommend a visit to the Hooters Girl blog if you offend easily. The language and style are crude and rather abrasive for Christian readings. FYI.

Thank you for your comments.

Anonymous said...

That has to be the nicest way I've ever seen anyone be told to 'get lost'!

Kudos Tony C Today.

"He who angers you controls you."

eaglegirl said...

Tooooo funny ! Glad I am able to catch up with your posts.
Tony you do need your own sitcom !
Actually, you live in your own sitcom! lol