Okay, I admit it. I'm a big baby when I'm sick. For the past several days, I've been surviving on Nyquil the way Elvis kept going for years on uppers and barbiturates. Nyquil Daytime...Nyquil Nighttime...Daytime...Nighttime. Someone at Vicks deserves a Nobel Prize, Peabody or something for coming up with the stuff.
So, in my hallucinate haze, I've determined men only need a few things to get by in most any situation. Of course, there's the proverbial roll of duct tape...created by God Himself. Although scholars often debate the actual timeline of its origin, I'm pretty sure the gray miracle appeared immediately after Eve who wanted something fixed upon her arrival in the garden. God knew men would forever more need help thus...duct tape (in Hebrew סֶרֶט, רְצוּעָה; טֵיְפּ).
Next would be a pocketknife. Just a few short lessons from Angus MacGyver can properly equip a man to prevail in any situations. Locked your keys in your car? No problem...pocket knife. Need to slice an apple for your holiday salad? Pocket knife. Got a nuclear bomb needing to be deactivated? Pocket knife. Attacked by ninja monkeys? Pocket knife. It's the 'need all-be all' of portable tools.
Rounding out the short list would be Nyquil...but I took another dose...just a short...bye for now. Honey, where's my blue blankie? Good night...everyone.