Thursday, November 18, 2010

I'm not an OB/GYN...but I could play one on television.

Since I wasn't blogging during the process of pregnancy for my first two daughters, I feel a bit compelled to share a few muses during my final go around...

That's right. Three and out. So please stop asking if Mrs. Tony C and I are having another one to 'try' for a boy. What exactly does that mean? Plus, the only thing another baby will result in is another future wedding bill and more college tuition to pay for a fourth daughter. Call it poetic justice, Divine intervention or whatever you chose because I'm certain the number of daughters I produce is directly proportionate to the number of children I father...period. I understand and accept that fact. So should you.

Besides, I'm getting pretty good at being a daddy for girls. What I'm not acclimating to is the whole pregnancy process. Yesterday, I had to stop and laugh as I was scouring the internet for a good deal on a Medela Pump In Style Advanced Backpack Breastpump. Twenty years ago, I had absolutely no idea such a thing existed and would have probably punched you (if you're male) in the face for suggesting I did know. Why would you do that to a perfectly good breast? It would have made no sense to me.

A little knowledge in pediatric health and a formal education that included economics brings a whole new light to the subject. Today I understand that baby feeding is actually what God made boobs for in the first place! Go figure. Bikinis had nothing to do with it!

Through my new found knowledge and a little progressive logical thinking, I also now understand the Intelligent design (aka God again) behind a pair instead of one great big one goes well beyond the two is better than one principle or anything that involves feng shui...and no guys, nothing to do with the fact we have two hands either (eye roll). To accommodate a constantly feeding newborn requires a one-sided respite much in the way you shift from one cheek to the other when you've been sitting for a long time. Brilliant!

How could a person possibly look at the completeness and pure genius of biology and believe in a creation by randomness. How?!

The philosophy of randomness does bring into question the overall intellect of humans though. Well..that and the need for disclaimers like this...

Seriously? Come on. Only a man would think a bunch of women sit around hooked up to the same breast pump while at book club like milk cows. Right? Please tell me I'm right ladies!


Michelle said...

LOL...So, I guess you don't need to know that my Medela Dual Pump was purchased used...and then recently sold on the e-classifieds...ewww.

I really had no need for one ever took a bottle. :( Either way, Carlee is going to get a kick out of that pump. Lily was always walking around putting the utter pumps on her belly.

(BTW- my word verification is "annice")

David said...

LOL - you need to get some sleep this side of the creation!

"new found knowledge" that says it all!

Tracy said...

OK all I can do on this one is laugh!

Anonymous said...

You have made group of women in Charleston S.C. laugh until we've cried with this one Tony C!

The ladies in my office (we're nurses) all read this together and cracked up! Dear Lord how does your wife put up with you?

Funny stuff Tony C. Very funny stuff.

Becky and friends from Charleston