Best of Tony C Today-Where everyone knows your name...unfortunately (August 2009)

I'll admit I'm often an idiot...

I was reminded of that fact last weekend when the teenager went to eat with other family members and brought back leftovers for the fridge. Like her old man, she's loves hot wings and went to a restaurant noted for great wings. Little did she know the anxiety she would create in her father when he opened the refrigerator door later that day to see the take-out box from...

Allow me to explain.

There was a time in the life of Tony C Today when I would frequent said establishment. All that changed when my heart was taken by Mrs. Tony C Today...and for the better. It was bliss and constantly falling rose petals as we honeymooned for several years. Oh, we had the occasional disagreement about trivial issues...fan on or off at night, Heinz or Hunts, toilet seat issues, etc. The most consistent point of disagreement was the dreaded 'Where do you want to eat?' question...the focal point cause of conflicts in so many modern relationships....it would almost be my undoing too.

It was a typical weekend night as Mrs. Tony C and I travelled down our town's version of restaurant row. We had done it all way too many times.

Tony C: Where do you want to eat tonight Dear?

Mrs. Tony C: Where do you Honey?

Tony C: Your choice Pookie. Whatever you're in the mood for tonight.

We rolled down the street passing restaurant after restaurant...

Mrs. Tony C (glancing over at the familiar owl sign): I've never eaten at Hooters. How about...

Let me state with scientific certainty that a Nissan Pathfinder can conduct a 90 degree turn traveling at 32 mph without a major component flying off. Just FYI.

Mrs. Tony C: Whoa! Hooters it is!

Tony C: Are you sure Dumpling...I mean...it is something different.

Mrs. Tony C: For me it's different. Sweetie, you've been here before.

Tony C: Yeah, but not in years Sugarlips.

Mrs. Tony C: We'll give it a try.

As we walked up to the door hand in hand, my carnal self began to imagine the combining of the old with the new...could it work? Should it work? As the door flung open and we were greeted by the Hooter Girl Beth, that last question came across my love's lips...

Mrs. Tony C: When was the last time you was here?

Tony C: Years...

My answer hung in the air as we walked through the door and were greeted by...

Except 'Norm!' wasn't yelled...it was MY name.

Not since jumping from an airplane have I felt the sensation of overwhelming pride and complete utter terror simultaneously. It honestly had been years since my last visit, but little did I know that as my life had moved on...the lives of some of my old friends had been pretty much static and very predictable.

I knew, instinctively, the next few seconds could forever change my horizon...

Mrs. Tony C: HOW long did you say it's been since you've been here?

Tony C: Pookie...I just know these people from way back...honest.

And then, quite possibly, the counter move of my entire life...

Tony C: Do you want to go someplace else? It's really no problem. We can leave.

Mrs. Tony C: No...we're here. Let's just eat.

For some reason, the experience wasn't what I had pictured though. The food was average at best, and the service is a lot different in mixed company...I mean...the die are cast in that situation. Not that I desired the silly flirtations that usually...what I really mean is...I wasn't looking for the girls...at the girls...aaagghhhh!

Sometimes I'm just an idiot.

We don't really use pet names for each other anymore. Not sure we actually ever did...and I've not seen one single rose petal fall since that dreaded day.

Good thing Mrs. Tony C fell in love with a doofus...one very lucky, forgiven idiot!